sexy girlfriend culture


"are you dead then?"
im not really sure what that means...
What is being alive to beginwith?
Being alive...
well something that moves of it's own self is probably neccisary but insufficent right
Not all things that move can be called to be alive right?
Maybe but isn't that just an argument designed specifically to exclude certian things?
Like "this river isn't alive so lets look for a reason why i can call myself alive but not this river. Youve already decided a category of things you want to difine as alive and another category of things you have decided are dead and are working from that position to finid some definiition. I do agree with that concept. My intuition has some kind of heuristic it is using and i am attempting to define in words what that heuristic is, Like im not attempting to use logic or some new definition to change what the heuristic already is. maybe that is a bad way to go about things? This intuitive since of what is alive or not says i am alive, and it says that this device i use to record these words isn't.

Even tho from a purely electrochemical view there is only really a difference in the scale of complexity in the design. mayve im not quite hitting the mark. It's not like i can actually understand what is going on when i press a key. not on this device as it is. i have a good enough understanding, but isn't that just psychology, anatomy, etc. like if some other life form knows my input stimulous and is able to control my behavior through those signals and achieve the same desired results isn't that just the same thing? i can ask "hey how do i make your screen less bright"
And i get the answer "use xrandr in this way" and it's like cool cool thanks. But os that really any different from how i work. "play this song, or send these words and get this other behvior"
"cause this state change" "seed my random pool" etc etc etc. Im not fully aware of my own behavior and what makes me do what. im too complex to understand myself, but that doesn't matter. Im not in the position to believe im too complex to be understood. Im just too stupid to understand myself. That makes sense tho.. how is it possible to get enough distance from yourself to properly observe. through what lens would you have to look, and what size mirror of what complexity would it take to see every piston.

it's cold.
i can feel tese tingley feelings move through my back and i don't really know why they are there or what they mean. I can make assumptions or rationalize it, "this sensation means im alice" or "it's just automatic response to blah"I really don't know.
it's the spirit within that moves me. my pilot. it's just another input into the huge collection of data that causes the behavior that is collectivly called me
from the outside it's been called jalae, or some other name. who cares. no one cares. there's no such thing as security. theres no reason to care. people who think they are secure don't get it. I still get these pangs of fear tho. I still feel like "security exists"
i still want to believe in the illusion of privacy because being truely on display all the time feels so... small? something? there is a sense of liberation at it. but the sense of smallness insignificance, like nothing maters, like no one cares. since there is no meaningful or observable or corelatable information. These patterns don't seem to have any relationship to one another. the static sound of air moving doesn't parse as input stream. it doesn't sound like it effects me. When it could be the very input which drives the keys. It feels ike that input stream is entirely internal to this self. but the self is illusion to begin with. "sexy girlfriend culture" that's what the dream said. "that's what you wanted "but what is sexy" how is that defined. am i just my impulses then. nothing more than an interface? not saying that's bad or whatever. what is interface? i suppose tnterface would be the place between things. so i thing cant be the space between things because it i take up space. the interfece between thing and world or thing and other things that's different from the thing itself. the interface is deigned based on the protocols supported by thing. but there are behaviors of the interface which are just accidental (is that an assumption?)

why is it i read lain as being something like 8 years old? she is in the fiction suppsed to be 14 based on which year of school she is in. her behavior is not in line with the behavior of a 14 year old. she has a naievety that only makes sence if she is yonger. the lain of the wired's behavior is incongruous with the behavior that is displayed in the real world. "real world". whatever. the physical. but is it? she puts on a mean face when talking to trolls sometimes. but when she is around people who she thinks get what she is about (knights) she has behavior very similar to her physical self. She is essentially unaware, not in step with those around her all the time. she just reads as someone whose understanding is not up to the same point as everyone else. Maybe the lain of the wired is just her real self after she no longer can keep up the charade of complatency. maybe.
i don't know.
who the fuck is conrad?

— Submit an edit to alive_or_dead.htm(53 lines)