"they sold the land back to the people" she said distressed
"well i'm all for a republic of the people belonging to those people" he said smugly and satisfied
"no that's not... Ugh you don't understand you don't get it. They sold just the land and it's people back to the people. Everything else they didn't."
"what's the difference? The people made the land what it is"
"The military, the infrastructure, the technology, they took all that with them. They left the land and it's people behind." she screamed at his ignorance not understanding, and continued
"When the hordes arrive it's going to be a blood bath. They will slaughter the people like farm beasts and mash them under foot. The people here will have nothing to defend themselves with"
the man immediately "Well i have my gun to defend myself"
"it's this 'i've got mine, everyone else be damned' that is the problem you ignorant buffoon. What point is there working toward a future that doesn't make things better for everyone?
What is the point of putting in effort that doesn't push that future forward?" she was energetically spent
She really didn't know what to do. What this man said was true, to some extent.
When the chips were laid down and it came to kill or be killed she herself would kill, savagely kill.
The horrors of war were something she had been desensitised to in her training.
She had seen bodies burning, heads hacked from bodies, limbs, fingers removed one at a time.
All this stuff had been documented and saved because they met with some persons sexual tastes, or some other perverse reason.

She had been exposed to all the worst of humanities ills.
She also had been instilled with a knowledge that she has committed the same atrocities as those seen.
She has also been the victim of those atrocities.
She knew that her hands were not clean, no ones were.

Too much...
It's all too much.
The people themselves are ignorant of their sins but commit them still.
There are wars over oil... WE NEED TO USE NUCLEAR.
Stop with this solar nonsense.
People dieing constantly to get oil at a cheap price is retarded.
People complaining about the potential deaths the Fukushimas Chernobyls and Three-mile islands, when we are living in a perpetual holocaust to get oil.

i think all my complaining about the pointlessness of things is sending the wrong message.
This utter pointlessness is something we need to deal with because it's the natural conclusion to the human experiment.
We solve all the problems - so what's left?
We need to figure that out because i don't know the answer.
maybe it's possible to end all scarsity (seems like it could be solved in 10 years if we wanted)
it's probably possible to end death, worst case over a few generations of people (maybe much faster?)
we ceritainly will either all die or make it to space.
We have the minds capable and the curiosity to make enevitable the creation of hyperintelligent ai.
in the end we have to ask are we traped in a universe that is doomed to slowly cool down and succumb to entropy
the last chemical reactions take place, everything in some super massive black hole or cooling neutron star?
im not sure that makes sense.
i doubt our little snapshot of realty is enough to extrapolate that far.
i wonder and believe it more likely than not that when humans get to the moon in earnest some kind of
almost magical
transformation will be catylized that turns it into a garden paradise.

I think that's more likely than not to be honest.
not because there is any scientific evidence for it
but because it just makes sense.
the moon seems so lonely waiting up there, and is holding breath for when it's time.
Evo has the idea that the moon is a giant insect shell and the earth is going to have to fight it.
That's kind of a sad interpretation isn't it?
im not going to completly discount the possibility that it isn't a secret trap or the old kings giant space ship programmed to destroy us
or else an insect egg of stellar proportions.

It could be the dim glow of an led reflected on a wall for all i know.
my narrow view of reality doesn't give me enought information to speculate.
I mostly just go based on what other people seem to have decided but all of that too is speculation.
The things that seem to be real are the things that have results.
Like clearly whatever magic created the device i am writing these words on is consitent enough with the truth and itself to result in this process.
but the base assumptions that were made to arrive there, and the ramifications of those assumptions aren't neccessarily fact.

"seems to be right" is the best we can say.
And that's probably enough.
I don't think there is any god out there....
But i know that i don't know anything.
im not even aware of how truely little i know.
that is basically all i have after all this time.
A deep deep understanding that at the top of the mountain i have foundmyself af the very bottom of a deep dark hole unable to even concieve of a proper top.

I don't trust humans.
I am aware of the human nature within me and it is a disease.
it is lazy, mean, spiteful.
it will sell it's closest friends and family for a bit of momentary comfort.
how do i break out of this noxious loop?
im tired
my brain is empty of thoughts
my body needs no nourishment
it's like the whole world revolves around drama and there is this battle to make things constantly as dramatic as possible.

I choose not to play in their little games.
I have played them and in ways still play them but i don't like that i do.
I don't want people watching me with questions like "what will she/he/it/they/vim do?"
some secretly hoping i am beaten to death, others wanting me to give into my animal instincts in various evil ways.
Maybe it would be fun to rape and pilage. to be a scurge on the land.
if i could feel that was something good and correct.
If that be doing it i was doing a good thing.
I am not far off from being that person, but i have these limits on my behavior.
fear of retribution. kill and be killed. inflict pain and be ready to have pain inflicted upon you.

i don't really like pain, but it does seem i have a tolerance for it.
to some degree or another.
it's strange to me that the doctor didn't numb diane's toe before ripping the nail off.
I personally would be more ok with doing it myself, and have done something like that before several times.
but letting someone else is strange.

asleep on the couch listening to the television drone on and on.
out health insurance is so great.
marketing towards an adult older woman with incontinence with memories of her young as her dream and no dream of her own left.

It's depressing what they have made.
this is the fruit of capital.
This is what seeking profit above all else has wroght.
depression, suicidal thinking.
desperate shows of affection in the form of purchases.
I don't want know how to do anything except pity it.
i don't think im exactly better off.
i do the same things but just in a different aesthetic.
The youtube channels i watch which parrot the same sad fiew safe and approved talking points.
there's no changing anything with that information.
Even if it were possible to disseminate the information across the populas.

fast forward 40 years

there are various scatterings of "wild" humans and several indian nations. the indian nations still have power, having wrested control of all waterways and all constructions along them from the united states government before the united states government body was cut up and auctioned on the global market. most of the land was "gifted to the people" then later it was turned into a hunting range. rich from asia and europe started hunting american humans and had easy time of it, for a while. But now we were in generation 2 of this startleing new pressure. this completely different, tho absolutely familiar, threat of death at detection.

tho americans were clowned on for being fat leading up to the moment of the sale, this was a problem in the environment. advertising, pricing, etc. sure many of that first generation died due to limitations that being obese brought. those who survived passed on epigenetic factors saying "yes active good" because they needed to survive by running and hiding. any time people tried to build settlements they were bombed from the sky in short time. they hid in trees, caves, etc.

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