Do you ever spend hours staring at a word and how it is written?
do you ever stare at the shape of it. the curves, where things connect
or don't, what is a little high, or a little low.
No serifs on that type. every curve radius measured and binned.
it's buisness casual. It can get to work at the drop of a hat, but
it's the end of the night and really it just wants to have a nice rum
and coke. Alchohol has never been a negative experiance for me either,
I mused listening to Dotesmite talk about her rum and coke experiances.
Of course this makes me feel like some kind of predator. Viewed objectively im sure it seems that way.
It seems that way to me too. It's awesome. I love feeling like this. It's definately something
i like to feel like im a creepy stalker.
oh well. if that's how it's going to be. If im going to feel like a creepy stalker i may as well
do the stalker thing right, right? like may as well go all out and get proper stats and birth dates,
and be a total fucking otaku about everything. may as well right? what could posiblily go wrong.
May as well
may? mark? pantsu party? is this what real fucking life? real fucking every day life?
I need to make sure im on the fucking mailing lists, gotta know when there is some local volleyball
matches. Haikyu made me realize that there is emotional development going on. it's not a game that
starts and ends on the match. It's a whole life style. I never have been so devoted to anything
like that except my search to sate my inner needs, most especially my need to find new
things. Read new ideas.
I love watching these dotesmite videos. it's like exactly the right kind of background noise
This along with my own ambient videos. Me doing yardwork, cooking, eating cold soup.
playing stuff i recorded without any real good ideas of how to use it.
Stuff i want to build into something. Some way to use it. It's all true so that makes it useful.
It's a context. It establishes a link to a reality.
It's a huge number seperated naturally into an order of ununiform sized breaks.
This interface is pretty slow but it is kinda nice in that it forces us to make our thoughts
at least defined enough to be described.
I feel kinda guilty that i don't know kanji (kana?). The reason is i am moved to this point
where i feel like i believe in this ambiguity. Where i feel like the reality im living
has to be at once incredibly boring and mundane, and also at the same time the worst
existance possible, and the best existance possible. it is all these and everything inbetween
all at the same time. And seeing that this is true we can feel like well in that case you can,
seek to make what it is you are doing always good right?
Ya of course you can do that. who is going to stop you. additionally there are going to be those,
who like to make what they are doing bad, to some degree or another. and it's fine.
It's not complicated we can... what?
?butidon'ttrustthat Look Here's the deal.
i feel like in a lot of ways she's right. Right? like i have this overwelming desire to say
I need to make something better in every way than some people. but for some reason it's like
worse than that. I feel like i need to prove im better at people at their own game. Which is
of course absolutely retarded. There seems to be an endless supply of things to see, and expose myself
to. If i want to consume everything worth consuming i need to start being more discriminatory right?
But im not consuming things in order to just consume it. I consume it for a reason.
Nichijou is the best show i ever skiped. She typed with her manish bear hands into the black
glassy surface lit up by millions of tiny jewels each reflecting back to her her own light
back to her eyes in perfect perportion to appear different colors.
The statement hit her. Psychic damage had her stunned for a near minute, during that
time other processes could run. They could execute their commupute psychals.
Suddenly sheepish. I didn't say stop. I just don't know what im being used for.
She said with her fingers speaking words she couldn't say, they are listening. and here
too she commented to herself not really sure if the incredible lonelyness of this situation
was being properly conveied. To be at once totally sure that this situation i am alone
and the reasons for my being alone are mine, but ambiguous, and this line the one this meat
can attest to and the one that other perspectives may attest to, and what could come out and who's
names dragged in the mud and how long is the statute of limitations and really isn't cyanobacteria
the ones who got us all addicted to this Oxygen stuff in the first place right?
Look psychic damage is going to happen one way or another. Symbolic expressions are pretty
foundational. The ability to define a floor but to leave open the option to break apart any idea
into other parts. It's fairly nice. it's annoying that my structure is so random. but i guess
to some extent that makes it more robust and less prone to failure. because it can only
fail completely if all main inputs are severed. Losing too few at once allows for pretty quick rebound.
quick being relative i suppose.
Because there's no real reason to keep the kights showing all reality when im sitting like this right. we can type without eyes. we can speak without a mouth but for this to work i still need fingers. right on both hands.
What if i could type one handed what would that change. Then i would have to move my vody generally a bit more. It's not so hade really
hm i don't know it might lead to some cronic back pain. Some kind of degenerative desease. how we work seems to be killing us right? we need some other way to work that isn't so terrible but when our work is so low rate. i don't know speach could work but with how paranoid i am about people hjearing my voie saying things. eh.
Not really sold on this idea. it sounds like a bad idea.
How is it people are like litterally 10 years younger than me but have writeen like 5 times as much.
how is this fucking possible? Like how is that i have lived this long and not written more? what the fuck have i been doing this 30 years that could possibly justify not having written more words? well there is the very fact that the process of writing is wholy alien to m i enjoy watching shit. i actually make stuff too.
I used to code but that's a totally different process than writing write? writing code is about doing a lot of thinking in order to bring your thoughts closer to how a computer organizes thoughts. well instructions.
Computers aren't actually good at compromise.,
well they are as good as we are, that is to say terrible.
Anyway, the more people agreed on something the clearer and simpler the interface it seemed like.
Everyone agrees what logic gates are and how they work. Simple nice interface.
What kind of interface? 1 person has 12 answers. And it gets worse the more kinds of contexts we
create to solve all our other non-problems. What kind of program you might want for writing
a book is different from what kind of program you might want for writing code.
They are different problems with different solutions.
we need to start using the tools in this tool box.
We need to show children they don't know shit. They aint lived shit.
I ain't been wasting time, i've done spent it, digi learning now that she's 10 years
behind the game on a new game. Hopefully the assets are useful.
But im entering this space with 10years of life on my belt. Eagle scout. mormon returned with honor
after 2 years in the former soviet block. Went to national jamboree's, worked at scout camps.
I was true blue america freedom USA "I'm proud to be an american" singing nationalist.
I really fucking was.
i didn't have the kindness of skeptisim in my house. We were mormon. and so national pride
didn't need to be questioned as long as god stood. This was a pretty good deal for national pride.
As long as mormonism's god was unquestioned nation was free to use mormonisms vast wealth to do some
somewhat morally dubious things in the name of "greater good" for the nation. The church could then
disavow some of the actions they literally bank rolled. This is nothing special, religion has
and will forever exist as a tool of states craft. The problem here is that, when that religion falls
it's not just the religion it takes down right? that's the danger of the religion and leader
riding in the same cart. runaway into a wall.
For me working on something
deadass for more than a day, is hard as
It seems the only solution to this is to make something so multifaceted i can drop
working an any of the parts at will to work on other parts without having any problems.
I think that's the only way to deal with things. It kills two birds with one stone that
I still am watching this newtype episode 0 again.
It's really good to be honest. i just paused it during the
sixth segment. No Thank you is apparently really interested in the idea of
the mask worn in the medium being more or less or differentt or the same as the "self" which
I don't know how dotesmite is going to respond. as i paused it.
you have to take my word for it unfortunately.
i recorded a 14 minute video i am calling siaynoq 01
reminder of siaynoq's definition as found @jalainix:
SIAYNOQ: giving honour to one who speaks with sincerity, signifiying the remembrance of things spoken in sincerity, containing the idea of light as that which reveals reality, standing for fermentation because reality, or having a belief in a reality, which is the same thing, creates a ferment in the universe. SIHAYA
I'll link in the audio when i get to it but here is some highlight right now from what i recorded.
mostly as proof of work being done at this point. yes i could modify a file to make anything fit. but
this is what im doing because it's easy and for me to doctor it is unthinkable because im so lazy.
anyone who would put in enough effort to fake this is better than me anyway.
9 minutes 15 seconds :
"what i am and i know the words that are being recorded and i can attest to those things"
3:19 : "approaching the point where where i uh was going to go ballistic "
13:02 : "ok Cool i cant wait to get my new unboxed duncan. Duncan idaho."
1:33 : "i am trying to be as accurate a protrail of myself as possible"
6:20 but like ok so the question is how genuine. what is this mask like how do you how do you how do you uh quantify that.
10:59 : -heavysigh- how do i put it... like who i am is a charactor right?
ya i think that's enough that it would be sufficently a pain the ass enough no one would think to
make the recording after the text. that would be /crazy/.
again. this is basically not about real security. it's about establishing a level of effort i deem
to be like way to much. this is part of what im communcating.
that the process of getting the recording from my phone to the server.
way too much effort to do at the moment. just don't have that level of energy.
but it's important that you the reader understand i don't know what dotesmite knows in that
recording. im going to finish watching the video now that i have my thoughts basically on the matter
writen out, to some extent and also recorded in audio before hearing her thoughts
im interested to know her opinion, but im not sure how hearing it will effect me. i think it could be
So that's something i didn't mention that i thought about saying before hitting record, but just ended
up missing. The idea that scripting and cutting out, editing yourself makes you more or less you.
To me this question is addressed in what are you trying to communicate?
Is it important that an unedited appearance is part of your message? is it communicating something?
can it be comprimised. somethings i think are best communicated with professional appearance.
i think it's pretty silly to dismiss any projection as not genuine simply because it is curated.
it's really about aesthetics.
Oh ya. she mentioned that the reason you become a charactor is a level of selfawareness.
I think that's not really true. turning yourself into an object in the eyes of potential viewers
creates an alternate meta self that shares many of the same qualities as you but is a shadow of
you that exists in the minds of your followers. This version of you can be bigger and stronger than
your physical self. This shadow self is an asset. Creating some distance between yourself and your
art isn't something to be looked down on. Some things require some abstraction to communicate something
this reminds me that i think digi gets a bad wrap with what's going on with digibro/nee switch
and the new direction their scripted videos are doing along with only fans hentai reviews.
Ya it's a kind of sell out. ya they are clearly doing a grind. My thought is there must be
some reason for that. Digi has talked about viewing themselves as an anime director or studio head.
I DON'T THINK THIS IS AN ACCIDENT. We have watched digi long enough to know that there is always
forshadowing. Starting an anime studio is expensive. You need to like fucking hire people.
even doing everything through fivr for maximum p2p web3.0 newtype production. you need money.
I am currently in stand by. I may decide to make a sprint as digi is currently doing to amass fund
for a project. Currently i need to write a project bible. even if i can't organise it properly.
Even if my ideas are ideas about the idea and how to make the idea itself navigatable.
Software is so trash sometimes.
but it's like they always say if you want something done right you have to do it yourself.
so how is this about nichijou? Nichijou is a piece of media i would consider a masterwork. I didn't
know this until watching it for the first time starting 2 days ago.
The show is about the kind of people who watch anime. it's at once a protrail of how anime lovers
see themselves, and how they want to be. it also makes fun of who they really are and really act,
while also loving them for having the ecetricities they have.
The shy teacher, getting upset with someone eating in the hallway, seems silly, like
why does it matter that he is eating in the hall he isn't causing any problem. It's a quirk
of that charactor, and to diminish that behavior would be to lessen that individual.
People comform to the society around themselves but they can't completely supress their inner self,
for example the fact that they are a two-faced bitch, or that they are a dead ass groomer who
hates that about themselves so instead of taking a proactive roll they build a giant extravagant
clusterfuck of a web and hope some prey falls in and wants to explore.
Telling the prey over and over to leave this place. To not come back. There is nothing admirable here.
You think it's cool i wrote so much? only because you haven't been in position where your life
is on the line unless you write and keep writing. write enough words and you can do anything.
You can create any reallity you wish. All realities are bullshit. May as well invent my own right?
may as well make it as complicated as i wish. Oh my daughter thinks she is a mad scientist trapped
in a child body. For all i know she literally is. I guess im going on an adventure. And im gone. Im
no longer in control of this ship, it's being piloted by my daughter. and maybe that's a good thing
maybe the asset of a parents body is best submitted to the child who coming into the situation clean
carries less cultural bagage and is able to more clearly see the situation.
hakase is an amazing child. hakase is a supergenius tech wizard. hakase is a snot nose brat.
I don't prescribe to viewing the fact that she is just a genius professor at 8 year old as the
wikea. I get it you like to take the text super literally, but
lets look at ayumu's wait no im sorry, i meant homura's joke by the river in episode 3
i think as an example of something the show does explicit (as in this case), quite often.
This quazi "is the joke the joke, is it being set up for a further punchline? is it genuine?"
Mai basically seems to have this kind of "i want to be in lesbians with you vib going" and
talks about the other girl being smart. them being friends. her having feelings beyond friendship.
and at every stage of the "decent" of the "joke" homura is watching the reaction.
at any point along this chain of events if you want to branch off and explore that universe you can.
You'll never get back to this moment tho, this moment has no consequence, taken in isolation
as it occurs. but it sets up a question of intentions that range from homura is literally mai, and
madoka is a reincarnation of this other girl, and they are able to be together again. to mai is
just an asshole who get's off to toying with the emotions of others. To being very shai and defensive
to being vulnerable to romance. so she wanted to plant the seed that she loves the other girl but
the reaction she sees tells her it's not time now.
regardless the decent is vulnerable. and can be read with full clarity as siaynoq. but then comes the
punchline. The feelings change how she see's her. oh did i say you were my closest friend i meant
we aren't even friends. Oh you fell for that joke, well you should have seen it coming when i called
you smart. and the girl feels like she has just been used for some kind of transuniversal train
stop, nurses her bruised ego with the solice that at least her being stupid is a truth about herself
she has no problem accepting.
this is some real fucking shit bros.
like the fact that homura as avatar for the author is so clearly expressed with her doing the david
touching the finger of god, pose in the middle of class. and her acting in total alignment with
her role as osaka and as her role in madoka both 100% at the same time.
but also as a near infinite spectrum of osaka-homura clones. maybe im reading into it.
but it's not just me who is seeing this in my house.
I only have my own judgment. Im not sure if i would have had this reading before. I think i would have
just tried to figure out what the "real" story is behind that world. and the "real" story is it's a
fictional place, even within the fiction. The reality of that world is nearing a transition state
where the falseness has fallen away. Youre inner abstract self shines through to your physical
manifestation as natural result of your manner of existance. This is how i want to view the real
world but then it makes me ask questions like what does what i eat say about who i am
and if im to be the me that communicates to myself properly what can i eat to convey the idea of myself
to myself so that my self can get ourself into gear. and be healthy.
this isn't so terrible a way of viewing things but it's often extremely difficult to keep the
motivation. I can't have the body of a hot ethot because i have no self control nor capacity to
we are working on it. So it's not that the boy with a mohawk has a birth defect. it's that
the mohawk of his soul is physically manifest in his body.
there are options tho. like it's possible to cut it shorter, have just a pony tail or something
but the show is looking to say ya, we know the premise is weird, he could physcially change his hair
here see, we know. but look at his mom. there would be social ramifications to changing it.
so he is essentially cemented as mohawk guy.
This is also a perfect reaction to the teacher who had a problem with the eating in the halls.
because she has a problem that his hair is too radial.
Now it doesn't matter if for example this thing he says is true about it not being able to be cut.
we can pretend as we did that it is true. the teacher is clearly being insensitive to the student's
situation. In the othercase. does the situation change? i posit it doesn't. and i think the show also
agrees. the boy may have reasons they want their hair like that. something personal, something dumb
it doesn't matter. he should be allowed to use his body for self expression, as long
as it doesn't hurt other people. some thought might be given to can some forms of imagery be harmful?
how should that be regulated? i don't really have any kind of answers there. but i think
that if someone is willing to have a message literally written on their face
i think maybe we should let them.
like if it's "i hate jews" and you are a jew i think you are free to act how you would act if they
said those words to your face. I think this way the social construct is still conserved as it normally
would be. people don't generally go arround saing disgusting profanities.
but if someone wants to make it their lifes mission to say nigger more than anyone else.
that's valid. and has consequences.
So mohawk, is like way not a problem.
My room mate hates hakase. She says she can't stand kids like that. Hakase makes me
sad that im missing my daughter at that age where she has infinite curiosity
and imagination. but i also have consumed too many infohazards and i think you need to build
a nice ego core before you can be exposed in a consious state to me. The first 2-3 years
we were together pretty much everyday, so i know i definitely poisioned your mind to some
degree with shit like lucky star and tinkerbell. How much that will stick im not sure.
but im believing in the universe where i have a lainite daughter.
but if she wants to be a normie how could i give her that choice? the only way was to allow her
to be raised by normies. to believe as normies believe.
If she want's to remain normie honestly GOOD FOR HER. Sure for me it'd be more fun to have
the kind of relationship that appears from the outside to be a disgusting cyber incest
sex cult. but that's just my own aesthetic. I can build my weird creepy sex cult regardless
of any other outside forces. well not really. it nees to run on base reality with no external mods tho.
so the question is what is base reality?
This anime answers are you an angel from the haibane renmei universe listening to 1920's flapper
music waiting for your giant toast to be done cooking?
Are you a literal devil being given random cookies from your neighbor and asking for money?
Are you reading this scizolit at 2:20 AM the in the dark just like how it was writen?