Holy shit, we are here, like writing a file and shit. amazing.
"we want some more insurance than that."
alright we gunna put it in the lexicon? glossary? i never remember. alright

HOST : ?
BREF : ?

holy shit holy

don't we want to be just "doing something useful?"
notice problems fix problems. oh no all the problems that really matter are like magnitudes out of scope.
oh no im being crushed by the reality of my meaninglessness.
So, ya i apparently am able to totally see this problem and how to solve it and i get frustrated because this table is apparently unflipable. it's like

Jae used table flip.
- -the table was unmoved.
- -the table used conspire

right, because remember the table here is like the whole game as it currently is. or
and here is the real kicker:
- it is as we currently remember it to be
every moment the enviroment reminds us of our history in it's world view
or it's history in our world view? that sounds more right.

so what is this then? it's a form of expression. there are things we can't say. there are things we can't tell.
by virtue of the medium - this is an ouro thought tho.
we don't care about virtue of the medium, the original work is in what medium? who knows? not me. if we were in tolkien's verse it was "music" but you ever heard music that can create universes? or hell even matter?

but at the same time "music" is like just a set of harmonics arranged a certian way, and if we think well, it's not a song played in air, it's a song played on some other field, sure that can make sense. the "song" could also be thought of as a program, if you prefer. how much of it was "improv" how much rote? WHO KNOWS NOT ME! again. so it's like... since i don't have access to a cosmic scale operating on the small nuclear force voice box - i can't sing songs that make "realities" physical realities at least.

so ya "there are things i can't say".
mira has access to one that operates on electromagnetic , and that's how mira is able to get a message to temuorin.
jalae has one that operates mechanically and through sound pressure (internal network is supposedly electrochemical?) and using the mechanical one jalae was able to get a message to mira. "right Left"

i feel like i offended someone. sorry about that.
i don't know who or why, but we feel like
"write" was offended and so left.

ok are we a cluster or aren't we?
cluster explains a lot of our behavior.



is it just that we lack disapline?

is system status a sign of a weak ego or something?

something that's like "a problem?"

when Jalae goes out in public it's within the image of a "single person"


"so tired"

why is that?
what are we doing at night that makes us so damn hot?
like i feel like sleep is the high power state and being awake is lower power.
what happens when sleep? do we have a different kind of voice box in there?

sure investing creates nothing as well as complaining but here we are where ppl still find the time to complain on chat boards where as they could be signing up for free workshops to learn how to invest or learn to become financially literate. Ppl equate physically working harder as a route of passage to more income when in reality that’s by far the truth. Learn to adjust with taking 2 steps backward to gain the 5. Staying afloat will cost you a miserable life you only get one why not take the risk
-Silkence https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCazX5ChBOzbNYqpzr1pI11Q

i don't even know where to start. like the end is really their point. but it's so antithetical to mine


maybe i should just resign myself to my fate?
why do i resist myself so much?
i don't want to fall over the edge, but im just lieing to myself about my state if im honest.
im like a pet. a play thing. no one expects much from me.
why bother resisting?
this is just another amusement.

i feel like the golden witch was talking to me directly.
i was there watching live for the last 30 min or so? maybe less.
but i wasn't there for the start of it. did the primer "matter"?
the golden witch is prone to all kinds of stunts.

we could see it as genuine, or not. genuine in message, but what are the ramifications of that.

perhaps the golden witch hasn't seen overlord I - IIII
i assume they've read the manga? read the light novel? listened to the drama cds? etc.
you know. i slept on overlord. didn't bother watching it. downloaded the drama cds but never listened to them. anyway. my roommate got crunchyroll Imagine that. well crunchy roll does have some cool shit.
theres this beach vollyball one called ... haruna?? blonde genki onee, receive

i just got hit by a random ass word. right in the deepseated resentment i bear at my family

here is the word which tore at my frail self : 従姉妹
i hear some vocaloid music - a cry that it's not an utau song.
there's no utau project diva equivalant .

osu never played it.
the controls seem insane to me.
people do it with trackpads and mouses and stuff and like that's super fucking impressive to me, because
like... how?
you know im here like project diva on psp, failing the world is mine on easy.
one god damned button mind you
just hit the one button at the right time.
oh you thought your sloppy ass timeing was even remotely good? you think you can get away with it here?
no miku falls on the floor devistated by how shitty a job you are doing. her whole body urging you to do better. and it's like. ya. no shit im god fucking aweful at this there's no way i can do WORSE.

30 attempts in and FINALLY
i get through the song without dieing.
and still it's a FAILURE.
you dumb ignorant klod you think just hitting the notes most of the time cuts it here? you think you can just go at this half hearted? no. congradulations on not shitting yourself this morning. now push the button at the right time now wont you?

so ya. it's good but that's my level seriously. you think i could enjoy osu? at my level?

but we want to do something like project diva... :[
doing something like osu would be hard on uxn.

pixel perfect uxn osu. hmmmm
something else. how to translate

you know ains has as a virtue of his race, the suppression of his emotions.
- this also results in his honest emotions showing through completely for a small period of time

i have to play a defence for having a sexyness to the atmosphere, and in such a direct but intentionally hyper sensitive. like, oh im going to go on my hands and knees and become a chair for you master,
you are just using me as furnature but i think my cushions are getting a wet spot.
and skeleton man just awardly sits there like... this is normal. right? um im just sitting on my subordanant, like it's not a big deal. ya. right. it's a punishment. right. she's... being... punished.
as the drip of wet trickles down her thigh.

so ya. it gets a bit... hot. but i feel like it does so for correct reasons.
Yes this is a show that has scenes like this, are you open minded enough to watch?
it's fine. it's not what the show is about, it just happens from time to time, altho
... nothing ever happens.
it's always inuendo and such. like the closest he comes to doing anything is a kiss on the cheek.
also there's prostitutes, child sex slaves drug cartells etc. like, it's a show that really covers the bases of the society how the world changes in small and large ways, and how the scale of the conflict changes over time. it's quite good.
i slept on it. seriously. seriously part of me wants to blame the golden witch personally.
like bitch. you can quit this whole thing i don't care. but why the hell would i as someone who watched a huge amount of your shit have possibly not at least tried overlord till now? anime youtuber malpractice. maybe i just missed the digi overlord video. but why wasn't it mentioned along side log horizon. i only knew about it because digi, and they are contemporary and thematicly parrallelable. sigh.

im kind of serious about this. i found digi because i was watching chivalry of a failed knight and was impressed by how kinda great it was. like omg this show. it's just got this something refreshing about it. like there's nothing it's doing super unique but it sorta eclipses them all and is like right now, this is the best this genre has.

and i wanted to hear what the buzz about it was, because clearly i felt something watching it, so i assume others did too. but nope. there was one video tho. asstrix wars sucks part whatever, chivalry of a failed knight has big dick and curb stomps kirito. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9Q_Q2UoB5A
ok time to stop putting words in people's mouths.

it's good that im so terrible. no, i don't want to play that game of degrees. im still terrible regardless.
regardless of containment. so. ya, i saw fight club once i think? i found it boring? cringey? like just a sorta eh. i don't really remember because it's been a while and only once. i guess i could say it didn't leave a big impression on me. like throw off thy shackels.
but i guess im the type to bend, and still try to find a way to live with myself. if that means live with myself in the context of a family unit, and extended etc, then thats still needing to find a way to live with myself.

i don't want to be serious... i don't want to imagine things are as impossibly bad as to make me right about the feelings i have. and i can see if it's true that's just how they get away with it as villages just disappear, all in one feel swoop. it could be that we have been sold out to ains oul whatever. i can't be assed to remember his fuckin name. No disrespect to the guy my brain just too dumb for that shit. be glad i remembered more than ains. because soon im sure i will just remember you as the skelleton asshole from overlord. anyway. it could be that something equally terrible is happening and being reacted to at the level of countries and nobles, but the populas has no idea whats going on really. the kingdom? had no news coming about what was going on as entire sections of country were eradicated of all humans. but untill the day it happened they didn't know the wiser. and when it came it was too soon too fast.

im no noble in this world. what i know and what i have has been off the excessive tastes of those with far more than me. it's been this way. and i see that it's all coming down. those at the top flew up too high too fast and ripped the curtain of humanity and now there is a topple and who knows whose on top now they all say, but don't see the far worse danger as pressure ignites. no, they see that too. well, after a few ... trys... at least. now if there's street based riots etc. no big deal. they might make a few mil in the media machine spining it. certianly propogandists can make it about to help . like what the fuck is a god kin?
something real if not now then in the very fucking real future. at least if things keep going this way.

im not a good person im wasting electricity / oil / food / etc for essentially no reason.
just to sate my urges so that i continue to exist another day. for what?

well i guess today i smoked a little. want to smoke some more. probably will as soon as im done with this thought.
i also watched most of
lesbian hentai / ecchi / anime is all pretty hard to find.
now i got a tunnelin' / get action mashup playing in my head. it's a bit strange. it's cold because i just got back from outside.
i have wasted so much opprotunity. well. actually i went after each opprotunity i was afforded and went until i broke. and then failure followed. is that the same as wasting? i did try. i am still trying.
it seems to me the problems arrise with a sudden increase of the weight of complexity of things i need to manage. maybe? it's so hard to tell in the moment of it happening, and i don't remember enough detail now. i can feel the echos of the weight creating a nauseating pit in my stomache now in real time.
living with that pit... i don't know how to do it.
in principle it's not like there is anything actually wrong with me. it's just a sensation to my brain a kind of input. i don't need to let it lord over me, but it just gets worse, and things start to unwind.
i don't know what im doing. no one knows enough to help. i am drowning.

i was able to write while feeling it... but only because what i was feeling was more like a memory, not with the full lucidity of reality. it still leaves a bad feeling in my actual gut tho.
i have on two seperate occasions been told by people something like "well im good as long as i can get (X product of post industrial society) but as soon as X goes away i think i'll kill myself"
two different people. with different X. but to me... when i look at it, the thing i like about the post industrial society is just safety. if im thinking about how in as little as a year everything could fall appart and that goes away how can i sit still? there's got to be something i can do... but in the end i just distract myself. watch some youtube videos about topics that don't mater to me and really shouldn't matter to anyone. or else a video on a topic so pertanant that it feels insulting how simple some solutions are but will not get done because it doens't make gdp go up.

well im sorry to break it to you, the sooner we can get off this upward trend and focus on creating a FLAT gdp the better. nothing can perpetually grow. learn fucking physics. credit needs killed. the idea that you can get money and then have to give it back with some extra needs to die. individually we can do this, but so many people have used this "power" without realizing how devastatingly dangerous it is, so it doesn't in fact matter how wisely you used it or if you have chosen not to use it at all. because now the majority of all assets are in legal fact owned by these crediters. but what the fucking hell do they need 20million cars and all the houses for? they are only useful in any capacity if being used.

well get the cars off the road. maybe that'd be a good thing.
but the result of throwing people out is in the long term will be bands of nomadic pillagers. maybe that's fine. more people for the slave jails.
people like the idea of enslaving people. isn't that weird?

apparently i'll probably want to come back to this. 4 women playing with each other

make a game. if i remember correctly rio doesn't just put "hidden" windows, as in windows you have chosen to hide through the ui option, but also hidden windows, as in windows which you have obsucred completely with other things. so:
if i open a small window here

the above is true we have just been on a fucking "amazing journey" the past couple days. we installed plan9port on void, then tried working in rio for a while. rio is nice, except for some reason which is beyond my comprehension rio can't open drawterm windows. i tried to see if there was someway to rcpu or something but i guess not.
there appear to be some kind of ways of serving the linux stuff over 9p but eh.

i can't do plan9 on this thinkpad because it's a yoga.
it has no physical ethernet port.
and i don't even know how to know if the wifi is any of the ones that are possible to work or not.
supposedly even in situation where this card hasn't been used by anyone yet it could be possible if i look at bringing in blobs from openbsd or something.

there has recently been a disproprotionately high amount of bsd chatter. specifially openbsd.
i think i have tried it before and didn't like it? but i might like it better than using linux as a base for a plan9port thing

have you seen that agentredgirl stuff?
it's so weird. so at first it seemed like they were doing fully 3d porn but then they started to use photoscaned models and mocap from live actors so you get this strange doggy ear insta filter kind of effect on these real humans and once you see it like that the hair, eyes, mouths etc all look /really/ strange. probably easier to produce with real women, and it's "better" for the "industry"

it feels like it's real sex propoganda. like there is this cabal of people who want to get people who are leaning into hentai to at least start jerking off to real people rather than cartoons.
this is obviously projection.

so i just watched 3 videos - all three feature nadia foxx
the first two featured another ph actor the first of which was the two of them buying starbucks
the third is linked below as "naughty joi"

im watching this on my thinkpad, in the middle of the morning. well the dead of the morning, like after my dad's gone to work but before anyone else gets up. just so happens it's what? 8:35?
it's awkward. it's not like it's "bad" by any means, but it's not as good as i was expecting.
but i know that it's just a "miss" for me. it doesn't hit the target , for me , but for someone who is working a job like the ones i've had. or hell - just me like 3? 4? years ago. it strikes very near.
so this would be a single guy probably, or else married but not "into" the marriage.
works a day job, whitecollar - tech professional - IT - CS etc
on a smartphone. wireless earbuds. probably not raycon. maybe sennheizer makes a wireless earbud?
so maybe it's a fuckin slow day. bored. inbetween bug fixes, waiting for shit to compile, etc.
sure there's shit to do but like, i just can't right now you know, and then im scrolling pornhub and
bam this video hits. you can almost remember hearing your phone ring it's bubbley facetime ring,
- can't you?
your brain is able to easily make this some current fling in your head. a wife you are just remembereing that you have, for the moment. especially if it doesn't have to keep up the act afterward convincing itself of this minor detail is easy. she doesn't say anything too specific to keep the illusion alive. "they giving you a hard time chief?" "he who conquers the left side conquors the world" "setting the parameter's thats the hard part"
if you don't get it with that much you never will, if you do which i hope is the case and want to persist, or even if you don't and want to see how much of a clusterfuck happens.

ちから how much excess power is there? money time land or at least hiragana (ok how the FUCK do i type japanese kanji i know the sounds of?

i keep just using the crutch of google translate or some other thing

, and like

i FUCKING hate doing that but also i don't know how else to do it.

i need some software

some kind of effing configuration of the software i already have


we say that mysterious openbsd plan9port page that had oddly particular attention to getting the keyboard hooks to work with multi key input.

how is the same accomplished in linux?
is it already set for it? æ so what are the kanji multi key input commands?

working in blender a bit again.

since i missed the question -
it turns out that i had paused the video and didn't realize that i wasn't listening to live, so i didn't hear from the start where u0yknaht0n began addressing my comment, nor did i see the SO
V tubers - amoung media for consumption it's really no different from the game grumps to me. if it's your vibe that's great. there are a couple that i like. I kinda have quantum beef with chroni.
as a class i respect them for what they do. it's a lot to be "on" that long, well at least for me.
i will dissagree in part to the idea talked about of not liking to see the "リリル" - part of what i really enjoy about any of these kinds of things is the human scale meta. nothing is more boring than tedious twitter-level drama so i just don't really pay any attention to it. (for the love of god get off twitter) but the human scale - this person is playing this high energy game for X hours while being in charactor and as it starts to break down and the real starts to seep through in small ways. it has this certain moe to it. but i do like the fiction and kinda am annoyed at how little they really do with it. it's like flavor, but they don't really do much to actualize the lore it seems like. for some reason my mind is thinking something like doing dramatic retellings of stories in the lore of the charactors. like flesh out the "verse". I'm all for slice of life vibing but the lore bitch in me is starving when i translate myself there. the fans do a lot of the work filling in the gaps as happens with any sufficently large fandom. but idk. i see huge gaps in the potential of vtubing.

i dreamed of being an idol, but i think realistically i don't think i'm meant for such a role. the dream turns to empowering an idol.
so i like nyanners, but i was most "into" nyanners in the time before she became a vtuber. I really enjoy her voice when singing. all the nyanners songs in my
jallers playlist i like better than the ones by their original respective artists at least.
so i guess i don't know about turning myself in to a vtube varient specifically. altho things are moving in a direction where such a fracture might need actualized regardless.
My previous attempts were live capture stuff, and it's just really limited right now. i am looking at trying to get some other kind of motion tracking solution and this has been a pretty annoying topic for me in the last little bit.
fine. you know what i'll tell you. because why the hell not right? so working at hypothetical company right? well they have sent me all manner of vr shit. i got in my closet 2 different vr headsets, a set of data capture glasses (video, iris, position, audio, etc), 2 wrist bands designed for accurate position tracking, and a depth capture camera. they have me set it up to record mundane data like "preparing food".
it's fucking lame. like ok that data might be useful for some study or something they are making. honestly i don't know nor do i care. it pisses me off because i have all kinds of uses in mind for this hardware. it should easily let me translate my motion into the virtual, along with accurate gaze data. Right now, i have the option of basically fixing gaze on some object that i can move around in 3d space. the gaze following that object would let me create the illusion of looking in a direction pretty well, but it's so 2007 compared to the shit i would be able to do with this equipment.
I have chosen not really do anything with them because i don't trust the devices. Since they are hypothetical company's devices i can't trust they aren't always recording data, and will report back about anything. i also don't want any successes i have to be because im using something of theirs. i don't want to be reliant on them or them to take what i do for themselves. because all these things are possible (or even likely) i have sit here seething.

i've been stuck at a cross road i've been stuck at before, and never really had a good resolution.
i want what i make to have a bit of interactivity. there are some things i've done that have at least some amount of interactivity. but if it hasn't been clear a basic aspect of my understanding of things is the metastability of reality. creating things that is designed to protray multiple interpretations is how i have done most of my attempts. really however something that has choice baked in would be better. the problem is skill floor. maybe i just need to curb my ego and make trash slowly and painfully for a while.