My mind must be trying to make me feel like a cannibal. It hits me with these thoughts that really all life is the same thing, and ya obviously. Then it makes me think things about how I am every chicken that's ever lived, And that I'm stuck in a temporal loop that is just minutes or seconds long and that that's the kind of literal product slave that I am. That I am a slave not only to masters that raise me to be consumed literally but also a slave to the impulse to do the same, and to make a slave of my own progeny. I don't want this infection of the mind to be passed down, I want better things for her. Cheek This direct and visceral image of the cheek being sliced off with a knife and then cooked and eaten Why does this kind of thought come to my mind. Why do I have night visions of this kind of thing. Is it a torture? It clearly effects me. It causes me some level of distress. Regardless of my conceptualizations and beliefs it is hard to feel them constantly. I wrap myself up in the comfort of the the narrative. It's not like I have proof that every day is one day and that the flesh of my body is the same flesh on the plate or something so specific. Or maybe I am entirely that flesh laying here, and this clothes I wear are just the charred bits of flesh from the cooking. See it might be that it's "Literally true" whatever that means. But it's so far removed from the physical experience that is perceived that to say something like that will be met with mocking. I can see the mocking hordes in minds eye with such lucidity that the thought is able to be brushed off with all the evidence that it arrived with. Something that is presented without evidence can be rejected without evidence, after all. That thought floats around dismissing these other thoughts with the sword crafted by science, and reason. Those concepts however are on shaky footing the likes of which they don't understand, and the more that is put on them to solve the more shaky it will become. There comes a point where reason and logic may go out the window, and that is truly scary. I don't know what to do to help prevent such a thing or even if it is possible...? I don't feel like I really have control... I don't feel like I can make it be one way or another. Things are stable now, but I know how fluid the perceptions the reality constructed by those perceptions really are. The fabric of reality itself could completely dissolve for one person and nothing at all change for another. That's not weird, it happens all the time. .

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