a childish sense of protag



I hate that I feel like I'm supposed to be important. I feel like I know intellectually that it's bullshit. I feel. I feel I know it. I don't actually know anything. I assume everything. and most of the time it gets me through the day. But it clearly doesn't "work". If it did work I'd be better able to figure out how to get to my goals. Those goals are probably bad. They are certainly predicated on this idea that I am supposed to be important for some reason. But either I'm not or everyone is and those are basically the same. Like, it's possible that I am fundamentally important, and that there is some imperative I am to fulfil. But then it's like, isn't it just basically foreordained and I'm going to either move to those ends correcting the mistakes along the way, or else there never could have been any mistakes in the first place? Like fighting against fate (impossibly) might be the whole point, as to show others or rather, as to provide stimulus for others, to know the futility of it and thus lead them toward other things as was always the intent. Sigh. I feel vaguely like Alma the younger, or Saul. At the moments leading up to their big change of heart and 180 flip. And I see those roads having been written in those books and I'm like. I really don't want to do that because it's cringe, but fuck me if I don't know what else to do. The neural pathways of those routes are already in my brain. So why repeat a song if I don't even like it the first time? However if I like a song I am one to listen 10000 times on repeat. I've been working on my website again lately. It's part of that "feeling important" thing. Or at least feeling like I need to do something more than nothing with my time and it seems like it's at least better than pure masturbation. At least it's a bit more social. Being outside feels a bit better too lately now that winter is coming to an end, the sun is out and it feels brisk but not cold. One of the things I've been doing with my site is rebuilding the database parser. The second version of the site shifted from purely handwritten static pages to oscean by devine/100r. This is all probably old news to you, as I know I have talked about it elsewhere. Anyway v2 used the indental format of the old oscean and oscean itself with some minor cosmetic changes. Now we never really liked how it worked we just liked the ease of use and the output. The core indental format is quite nice both for ease of parsing and writing as it is designed to be written by humans it's quite readable and modifiable. The rebuild first followed the pattern of parsing the indental as for use within static site generation. We quickly ran into problems. Now in retrospect it's quite likely that the problems we were having we not of the type that we initially thought. We thought that it might be a pure memory use issue, i.e. hitting the user limit of memory for a single program. Despite the fact that it was likely a shit ton of memory leaks causing the issue, and that it might be able to be a single program now, it caused us to redesign the whole thing implementing a pure indental parser and server. The result (slov) is a program which can take some rudimentary commands (insert, lookup, and delete. There is no update as insert doubles as an update function) and put out the results. It uses plan9 style srv files with pipes. There are some oddities I don't like, for one it's impossible to use a biobuf on an already open file with truncate, meaning in order to output to the already open handle we have to use create (which truncates the open file) and fprint rather than Bprint. So to operate with it in the program we need to use both a biobuf and a fd one for input and the other for output. But it is really interesting to learn how it fits together and because it's following the pattern of other plan 9 server apps the knowledge is transferable to other things. The next thing we want to do is to get the site building gemini and gopher files. There is no easy to use and documented server for either, but since both protocols are quite simple the route is to build my own. gopher is the easier of the two as far as the server is concerned. Gemini requires tls, which honestly shouldn't be too difficult once I figure out how to do it the plan9 way. There is a pretty simple library for it so I think it should be a simple matter of using that then piping the result to the file handler. I guess before that I need to get muffet to generate the files I plan on serving over gopher and gemini. .

incoming references

F 00100 REBOOT