cybersavior(7)

How to get out of a low point? idk

i haven't felt inspired lately. the thought isn't really an excuse, excuses are lame; the thought is more like an explaination, or a summerization of the past several days.

it hadn't helped that i've been feeling under the weather. you know i thought to myself "hey let's not smoke again for week" and there here i am like clockwork still lighting up. snuffed out the half smoked cigarette and resolving again not to smoke for a week. i don't think the smoking is 100% the cause of me being under, but it certainly wasn't helping things. this somewhat percistant cough is still here bothering me to no end. it's annoying. stupid. i have so many things that i want to do and then when i sit to do them it's like all i have the energy for is to watch silly videos.

I spent most of yesterday just watching bully maguire videos. youtube suggested one, and it was like "oh this is amusing, and oh there's like a whole genre of this kind of edit". they take clips from tobey maguire's spiderman 3 performance and put him in all these other superhero movies. well not just superhero but rather all kinds of clips. one of the best ones, had him replacing gohan fighting majin buu. it was pretty good. but that kind of thing while interesting isn't useful. and it's hardly that entertaining because i don't have anyone to really share the experiance with. i may as well just be halucinating the experiance for all it does for me. at least i got a little bit of work done on my raspberry pi 9front terminal this morning. and i do mean a little bit. usually when i have been transfering files between my plan9 nodes i have been using rcpu to go in and then use the default mount at /mnt/term to move things. so today for the first time i decided to try 9fs'ing the mount at /n of the terminal im in on. i needed to get the rio/data.c modifcation that temuorin has for customized background image on the pi; the grey background is servicable but i like to know which terminal it is by background, and it feels more mine that way. a simple 9fs cybersavior.dev and bam there it was. i think this works because i have the same auth server (or it's supposed to be the same, but i know it's not actually, because i haven't switched it over, but it is the same password in both authservers. actually maybe it is the same auth server because as far as temuorin is concerned the ip is the same and it's still 9front and still an auth server and it still has the same account? ) i guess to really test it i'd need to use a different account name or different password or something to see if i still have acess. it would be less than good if anyone could 9fs temuorin's rootfs. i haven't tryed making any new files, so i don't know if that would work.

but that worked pretty well. it'd probably be better to use that for doing work on the website too because it wouldn't have the terminal lag. temuorin is in korea so there is a bit of lag between here and there. interestingly to me is that myugii seems to have more lag than euphoria. euphy is the pi and myugii is running in virtualization on jakarutu. jakarutu is a much more powerful system, and myugii is configured to have 4 cores and much more ram than euphy but euphy is quicker.

this might also be because the background image that myugii is using is much larger, so redraws take more time. xxiivv suggested using png -9 to convert the image to plan9 format but in my little experiance png -c works better. it's still a plan9 format but it's stored and transmited as a compressed file rather than uncompressed. when you are talking about an 11 meg uncompressed file for some reason it takes quite a lot of time (well a noticable amount of time) to do redraws. so i think that might be way it's a bit more sluggish. i really want to get euphy running as proper auth, because myugii needs a good reset. several things have stopped working right in my attempt to fix things. i don't think 9fs works anymore. bind works some of the time. building code doesn't work probably because my libs are borked. i have no idea what i did wrong but it's not great. even if im not inspired to do shit i still need to do something. that's why im writing this. staying in the habit of writing even if it isn't part of the book or any project builds and maintains the neural paths of "writing" but i don't really want to get into the habbit of just writing only stream of consiousness shit. it's not like that's all bad. i enjoy alot of that stuff i've written in the past, but i want to build the more creative kind of writing process, which has been harder for me.

after im done here, im gunna go to the store. i feel like makeing chicken parm. haven't had it in a while and i really like it.

gotta sharpen my knives too. they have been getting a bit on the dull side. well compared to how all the knives in the house were a few months ago before i got sharpening stones they are all in practically pristine condition. they were all terrible. but i've gotten accustomed to having a nice sharp knife and it's been a couple of weeks. my mom uses my knife and i don't know what it is. she doesn't treat anything with any kind of reverance, and i think that has a lit of little effects on her actions. like she presses too hard, or uses a bad angle, poor motions, doesn't clean properly, and all of these things dull the blade faster.

it's apparent in her cooking too. like she can throw things together and get the job done, but just a tiny amount of care and the dishes would be done at the same time as the food and the food would be about 3 levels higher (on a scale of 10) i know this because i can take what she cooks and level it up sometimes with just some finishing pass. a quick pan fry of the salmon patties she made yesterday, took them from a sad soggy mush to nice crispy tender patty. it's not hard but she just doesn't really care. if it passes her arbitrarily low bar that's fine, and edible is that bar. i don't know why but i have been raising that bar for myself. i refused to eat her gulash. one bit and the noodle was clearly poorly cooked. i asked her if she added the noodles to the water cold or waited until the water was at a boil. she said the former and it showed. i didn't use to think that it had that big of an effect but, it's clearly noticable to me now and it just makes it taste so bad.

waiting for the water to boil isn't hard... but that's the world she is in, and i by extention am in.

theres nothing on my mind. i have hardly even heard my inner voice recently. i must be in a slightly depressed state i think. i kinda just want to sleep. im tired.

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